Will we have a future?
For those whom had been smsing me over the past week and days would probably know that i am currently busy with some c**k plan..So am just takin a breather off that at the moment..Pretty much done with the ppt and budget but just need to look through to see if had missed out anything..
On Monday, heard a really..well i dont know whether to say that it is a good or bad news to me..but somehow i just see more bad than good in this piece of news..:(
Before i got together with my B, he did mention to me that he had requested for some Taiwan posting in the coming year which is 2007 but not confirmed yet since it is only a request..But guess what? On monday, he called me when i was in the cab (okay, i was extremely late for work that i cant take train to go to work) and told me that he was selected to go for the Taiwan posting..well this means that he would be away in Taiwan for 14mths! Hmm..aint sure whether i am happy or sad about tt..Seriously i am happy for him that he would be going there since he did mention to me before that it is a really good opportunity for him to advance in his careeer..but sad coz he would be away from me and aint really sure what would really happen during these 14 mths?
After that, we had a couple of smses here and there and he sorta told me to keep my options open while hes away in Taiwan? Well, what does he mean by that? A break-up right? Well, i was so sad that i actually held my tears back but when he said this, i just immediately broke down in the office toilet! Gosh..i had no choice but to tell J about it coz i just cant really take it..Am really sad that he said this since it meant that he was not even willing to give it a try even though i told him that i am willing to wait for him..So he kept messaging me and calling me but i just refused to pick up the calls, knowing that i would defintely cry over the line..no way am i going to cry in front of him..
So at nite, we met up and had a short talk on this matter and he told me his side that he just dint want me to be all alone and so he told me to keep my options open..well if he asked me to keep my options open, this would just simply mean that he would also keep his open right? And secondly i was also pissed when he told me that he might be extending another 6 months to 2 years if he can get used to the life in Taiwan..OMG! can you believe he even said that? This just sorta means to me that he doesnt even care about us that he wants to extend his posting to 2 years instead of 14mths! Not even intending to come back to see me! :(( I just feel so sad..
A part of me wans him to go since it is for the good of his career and knowing how much he would earn over there as compared to here just makes me soften..Yet another part of me is saying no..coz we neva know how things will work out and right now, i just like him too much that i am unable to let him go..:(( I can still remember at that moment when i was crying in the toilet, there was a distinct pain in my heart that is so painful that i cant bear it…Its just like the pain when i found out what my ex did to me..that same exact pain which is so painful…
However, i would not want to be so selfish as to askin him to stay just because of me..i dont want him to come blaming me in future if he makes that decision to stay with me..I know long distances can work in some instances as i have some frens who are doing this now..One is in UK studying while the other is in China working..But somehow i just tend to have insecurities since there are just so many nice girls in Taiwan…:( What should i do? I dont really know seriously…Would he stay if i ask him to? I dont really think so since he is kinda a stubborn guy but i just feel so sad…Even right now, i can feel the slight pain in my heart…:~(
Baby would you stay if i ask you to?
